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The old way of distributing photos is tired. All that waiting for a gallery update, months going by, who the hell is that in there omg we broke up like a year ago and there we are snuggling grooooosssssssss shit phasing out. Now people want to see their pictures the next day. So merrick’s blogging, to keep up with the times.

 

Bienvenidos a the future, merrickales.

 

FIVE

that big shipping container thing and trailer with signs that say “climbing gear” out in the hood next to hueco? It’s this thing called thecrashpad.biz, and they sell Metolius stuff at a slight discount. We suppose they stand to make a killing, or at least unload a few of those green tri-fold pads. All anyone around here has to say about it is “That land was for sale this summer. Hmh.”

 

Anyway, they have no cool clothes or anything, just tape and signs that say “Climbing Gear.” Lotsa signs.

$tuff

Giving The Finger

We got a few things to say:

ONE:  SendAustin isn’t taking comments from readers anymore. Please stop trying. It creates a physical sensation of vomiting and stinging elbow pain to read these asinine “corrections” and “tips.” Just go eat your goddamn feelings or something.

 

TWO: For sale: Annoying pair of Prana climbing jeans. Unflattering fit, bizaar and inexplicable length, huge waist, slim hips, ugly wash, weird overstretched patches on knees. Free to the first one who finds us. Just come to hueco and ask after that bitch with the jeans.

 

THREE: There is no three, actually. Just please stop commenting.

 

FOUR: Rock climbing is awesome!!

 

 

BRAINE SAYS – by Vinny

Braine Burz, the voice of reason and conservative wisdom, often sees others fail and shakes his head. Always prepared and seldom in an unsafe situation, he’s the guy in the back of the room rolling his eyes in silent but obvious critique of all that he see’s. (he sounds like a fuggin party – ed) . Here are cynical yet wise words from the Braine himself, on a subject that atx climbers grapple with all the time…

 

monkey

bitch lips

oh hey hope you guys are having a great weekend. which of these picture of monkeys in jail do you like the best?:

This classic stripes novelty shot?:

Or this really cute one in fence-jail? Ya know, this is totally the kind of cheap ass fence jails they have in south Texas. Jus sayin.

Picture 1

Anyway, think about it. We like the second one.

You mean you didn’t catch the Canadian Bouldering Championship Women’s Final on the drtopo youtube channel? Drag for you. Here are the highlights from the three-part ouvre, and believe you-us, it was a wild event. And isn’t that always the case when shit goes down in Montreal?

 

First of all, there was this problem that we didn’t watch long enough to see anyone send. It had a huge blue scrotum on it. The ponytailed competitors try to tame the bloated, scrotal beast, but alas, yeah, the big blue ball was cruel joke several times over.

 

Scrotal = the greatest adjective of the day.

Picture 1

 

 

 

Around minute 4:03, Sasha Digimonion goes up, and the Canadian hosts snark that she’s “from the states.” We have no idea if that’s true and could care less. Still, funny that they say it.

Picture 3

 

Even moreso because in part three, when Digimon goes up again, the female announcer remarks that she “seems to lose a piece of clothing” with each round.

Picture 4

US indoor bouldering girls simply cannot be stopped from taking all their gd clothes off every time they see a fuckin heap of colorful plastic and a camera. Although to put it that way,  we are in no position to judge.

 

And that’s how shit went down at the Canadian Bouldering Championships. You’re welcome. Scrotal.

 

ps – a bunch of signs went up overnight in the hood next to the hueco, and they say “Climbing Gear” and lead to a trailer and a truck – like a big shipping truck. We suspect that shopping is involved, and promise to investigate further once the truck is gone, and if the trailer isn’t too creepy.

 

Picture 2

via

& thanx r

To Do List

1. Do not blow up ellen’s trailer. (Discuss with AO)

2. Determine formula for Roger’s Park soakedness using inches and duration of rain, hours of wind since rain, speed of wind, and other factors not yet thought of.

3. Decide if it’s too stupid to bring a few pairs of stupidly sexy underwear on a climbing trip just to avoid having to do laundry very often. Proceed accordingly.

4. Create The Sendaustin of Climbing 2010 Calendar, to celebrate the grace and beauty of atx chossbucklers.

Picture 4

5. Deal with this crap:

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6. Consider preventative measures

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7. Lunch with Rupesh.

8. Write a post about horses. Do climbers typically hate/fear horses?

8b. Reconsider horse post idea. Might be stupid.

8c. Try to memorize how french grades, V-grades, and Yosemite grades match up. (repeatedly ask clayton and/or vinny)

8d. Become friends with that guy “Andy.”

9. Write post about those so-cal climbing videos that get hilariously bad reviews on netflix.

70029079

10. Follow up with AO on “do not explode” guidelines.

11. Pack shit.

11b. Insult friends/strangers.

12. Locate harmonica.

13. Bail.

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However, this transformation was also associated with the frustration of realizing how limited the climbing opportunities (both indoors and outdoors) were in central Texas.

- random shoe sponsored chick on fiveten.com

We got us a’hold of Conrad’s video from the Gripper. Which he gave a title, but which we have re-christened, Conrad Goes a’bouldrin wit da femaleses. Because it’s mostly him and females bouldering. But no for real, it’s pretty good stuff. Shadow puppets, etc.

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GG B&W&C

The Granite Gripper comp rocked.

Molly summarily spanked the shit out of sendaustin.

Katie gave an awesome, super honest glimpse into her life in a van down by the wall in Yosemite.

And more stuff happened too, but first, pictures of people by Merrickales. Merrick is working on his portrait taking, so let’s all be super encouraging and make good face for him all the time. K? K.

Here’s Katie looking all dramatic, lady of the night with a rack – style.

And here’s Shelly, who ranted harder on her blog than we ever could over the decline of manners in this godforsaken hell hole country….

Indeed.

Brandon won the men’s advanced bouldering division AND the endurance challenge. ‘Twas a machine.

Here are Barry, Erin, and Beth.We just like these faces.

Nice yeah? Yeah.

pic by brandon. is it cool if we call you b-dog?

gripAr

Picture 2Picture 3

On Saturday after the Gripper comp, and after dinner, Katie Lambert’s gonna show slides and give a little talk about her life as a full time climber in Yosemite. We’re psyched. She’ll put on a good show. It’ll go something like this:

Hey folks I’m Katie, I used to coach the arg team, but now I crush full time at the center of the classical rock climbing universe. I am sooo-oo-o cute!

Cya there!!

Finally, justification for ignoring the whole “after a hard workout, cool down with some moderate bouldering” thing. We always knew that was pointless, because it was so boring. And now the Times, and a scientist at UT Austin says it probably is, too.

The problem, says Hirofumi Tanaka, an exercise physiologist at the University of Texas, Austin, is that there is pretty much no science behind the cool-down advice.

The cool-down, Dr. Tanaka said, “is an understudied topic.”

”Everyone thinks it’s an established fact,” he added, “so they don’t study it.”

Hm. Sounds like the whole “microfractures in dropped carabiners that lead to biners falling apart” nonsense that everyone believes but is actually a total lie, much like the folklore that was  90’s arson investigation.

The Times story goes on to refute another hunk of bullshit that crowds many otherwise perfectly useful training guides

The idea of the cool-down seems to have originated with a popular theory — now known to be wrong — that muscles become sore after exercise because they accumulate lactic acid. In fact, lactic acid is a fuel. It’s good to generate lactic acid, it’s a normal part of exercise, and it has nothing to do with muscle soreness. But the lactic acid theory led to the notion that by slowly reducing the intensity of your workout you can give lactic acid a chance to dissipate.

Yet, Dr. Foster said, even though scientists know the lactic acid theory is wrong, it remains entrenched in the public’s mind.

And later reiterated that

As far as muscle soreness goes, cooling down doesn’t do anything to alleviate it, Dr. Tanaka said. And there is no physiological reason why it should.

Nice.

And while we’re on the subject of shit we do that’s supposedly bad for training but that seems to be harmless, if not making us stronger, Athleta (pretty clothes) has an article about how to use shots of caffeine to increase performance. They suggest laying off for a while so you get a better high when it counts.

Caffeine is one of the few legal performance-enhancing substances. During training, try using a caffeinated product and see whether you notice a difference. Studies are showing that caffeine improves endurance by changing our interpretation of pain and by increasing mental acuity. We develop a caffeine tolerance, so you could consider tapering your caffeine intake in the week before a race (don’t cut it out cold turkey or you’ll be miserable), so that you receive more of a boost from the caffeine you ingest during the race.

Some of us like a diet coke in the car, or maybe a coffee in the evening.

Some people choke down Red Bull in the afternoon, but we think that shit tastes like a radiator fluid/dip spit/mountain dew cocktail. With extra cock. (This is the part of the post where, if we were a dorky magazine trying to understand how “blogging” can help us “interact with readers,” because this “social networking thing” is key to our “brand strategy,” we’d say “What’s your favorite way to caffeinate mid-sesh? Post it up in the comments!” But we don’t care what you do, and you are the only person who reads your inane comments anyway.)

And speaking of extra cock, look at these men’s jeans with a padded crotch, for an “enhanced profile.” So freaky. So imagine you’re making out with a boy, and you decide to, ya know, explore. Imagine that there you find a bunch of crotch padding.

Imagine that you crack up and fall off of the sofa/car hood/park bench/pedicab. Then imagine the text message you send to your five bff’s as you flee, adjusting your top.

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