SendAustin!

Finally, justification for ignoring the whole “after a hard workout, cool down with some moderate bouldering” thing. We always knew that was pointless, because it was so boring. And now the Times, and a scientist at UT Austin says it probably is, too.

The problem, says Hirofumi Tanaka, an exercise physiologist at the University of Texas, Austin, is that there is pretty much no science behind the cool-down advice.

The cool-down, Dr. Tanaka said, “is an understudied topic.”

”Everyone thinks it’s an established fact,” he added, “so they don’t study it.”

Hm. Sounds like the whole “microfractures in dropped carabiners that lead to biners falling apart” nonsense that everyone believes but is actually a total lie, much like the folklore that was  90’s arson investigation.

The Times story goes on to refute another hunk of bullshit that crowds many otherwise perfectly useful training guides…

The idea of the cool-down seems to have originated with a popular theory — now known to be wrong — that muscles become sore after exercise because they accumulate lactic acid. In fact, lactic acid is a fuel. It’s good to generate lactic acid, it’s a normal part of exercise, and it has nothing to do with muscle soreness. But the lactic acid theory led to the notion that by slowly reducing the intensity of your workout you can give lactic acid a chance to dissipate.

Yet, Dr. Foster said, even though scientists know the lactic acid theory is wrong, it remains entrenched in the public’s mind.

And later reiterated that

As far as muscle soreness goes, cooling down doesn’t do anything to alleviate it, Dr. Tanaka said. And there is no physiological reason why it should.

Nice.

And while we’re on the subject of shit we do that’s supposedly bad for training but that seems to be harmless, if not making us stronger, Athleta (pretty clothes) has an article about how to use shots of caffeine to increase performance. They suggest laying off for a while so you get a better high when it counts.

Caffeine is one of the few legal performance-enhancing substances. During training, try using a caffeinated product and see whether you notice a difference. Studies are showing that caffeine improves endurance by changing our interpretation of pain and by increasing mental acuity. We develop a caffeine tolerance, so you could consider tapering your caffeine intake in the week before a race (don’t cut it out cold turkey or you’ll be miserable), so that you receive more of a boost from the caffeine you ingest during the race.

Some of us like a diet coke in the car, or maybe a coffee in the evening.

Some people choke down Red Bull in the afternoon, but we think that shit tastes like a radiator fluid/dip spit/mountain dew cocktail. With extra cock. (This is the part of the post where, if we were a dorky magazine trying to understand how “blogging” can help us “interact with readers,” because this “social networking thing” is key to our “brand strategy,” we’d say “What’s your favorite way to caffeinate mid-sesh? Post it up in the comments!” But we don’t care what you do, and you are the only person who reads your inane comments anyway.)

And speaking of extra cock, look at these men’s jeans with a padded crotch, for an “enhanced profile.” So freaky. So imagine you’re making out with a boy, and you decide to, ya know, explore. Imagine that there you find a bunch of crotch padding.

Imagine that you crack up and fall off of the sofa/car hood/park bench/pedicab. Then imagine the text message you send to your five bff’s as you flee, adjusting your top.